Lone Moose

Lone Moose is a fictional Alaskan town and the central setting of the show The Great North.

History

Lone Moose was first settled thousands of years ago by Alaska Natives, and the land rightfully belongs to them.

Arrival of Europeans

The first round of European settlers arrived in the area now called Lone Moose when they got off-course on their way to Florida. It was the dead of winter, and they were total ding-dongs with zero snow-how. Unaware that they were surrounded by scores of edible fish and wildlife, the early settlers turned to eating each other to survive.

The early settlers called the ice fog “White Death,” which was also what Alaska Natives called the early settlers.

The settlers also thought that every moose they saw was the same moose in different places, which is why they called the area “Lone Moose.” It wasn’t until the settlers decided to kill the one lone moose, and another moose showed up, that they realized there were lots of moose.

Beaver Feud 1800s-Present

Soon after the dumb-dumb settlers arrived in what’s now called Lone Moose, they pissed off Phineus Beaver. Some drunk guys, who were too lazy to cut down trees, stole the wood from Phineus’ dam and used it to build the original town hall. So, Phineus stole the wood back, causing the town hall to collapse on then mayor, Mayor Pecan’s head. However, Phineus’ bloodlust wasn’t quenched, and he turned his wrath on the entire town. Phineus’ family held this grudge against Lone Moose for generations.

In the spring of 1915, Myrtle Jones shot Phineus’ son, Herbert Beaver. Not only did Herbert survive, he returned with his entire colony to murder Myrtle Jones. The feud only intensified from there.

A few years ago, Lone Moose’s current mayor, Mayor Peppers, inspired by the disgraced mayor before him, decided to bribe the beavers with a tribute of wood in all the beaver’s favourite flavors: aspen, spruce, willows, and poplars. It was an all-you-can-munch beaver buffet, and it worked. Thus, the Lone Moose Beaver Council was formed to make sure the tribute would be left every year.

The citizens of Lone Moose prepared for a potential beaver invasion at one of the recent Disaster Day scenarios. Moon Tobin played a beaver in the scenario and he gave Londra Rabies.

Thomas Wintersbone 1863

Thomas Wintersbone was all over Lone Moose in the 1800s. He was a gregarious man with a passion for the arts and letters. Thomas was gay and he was particularly attracted to lumberjacks. While working as a school teacher, Thomas met Ruby Wrench, the hardworking groundskeeper, who preferred the company of her “best friend,” Anne. Thomas and Ruby became friends brought together by a world that made them feel like outsiders, and later decided to wed to avoid persecution. Thomas planned to pay a lumberjack to build them side-by-side cabins.

However, Ruby’s father rejected Thomas’ request for Ruby’s hand in marriage because he thought Thomas’ “indoor disposition” would make for a weak provider. So, he challenged Thomas to survive a month alone in the Lone Moose wilderness to prove his strength. Thomas died alone in the snow in 1863. When his body was discovered by trappers, Thomas hadn’t built himself a shelter. Instead, he was surrounded by puppets he’d constructed who had their own shelter, outhouse, and tiny stage. Ruby Wrench lived the rest of her days with Anne. People didn’t like the truth of Thomas’ untimely demise, so they made up a story that Thomas and Ruby’s love “couldn’t be contained by just one cabin” because it was more agreeable.

Each year, the Lone Moose School celebrates the “epic love story” of Thomas Wintersbone and Ruby Wrench with the Thomas Wintersbone Memorial Ladies’ Choice Dance.

Manifred Wife 1888

Manifred Wife (pronounced wee-fay), also known as Manifred the Maniac, was a prolific murderer who killed 17 people including her husband Bartholomew. Manifred Wife died in 1888, and is buried on the Tobin family property.

The Great Avalanche 1893

The headline on the front page of the Lone Moose Wind read, “FROM JUST MARRIED TO JUST BURIED.”

Flammable Top Hat Crisis 1901

The headline on the front page of the Lone Moose Wind read, “SMOKING STOVEPIPES STOKE FEAR IN FLAMMABLE FELLAS!”

Mother Death 1904

In 1904, Lone Moose experienced the longest and coldest winter in recorded history. The winter was known as “Mother Death.” The citizens of Lone Moose were on the verge of running out of food, firewood, and hope. One very early morning, then mayor, Mayor Parsnips went out on yet another search for sustenance, and found a huge pile of moose droppings, or as he called them, “Brown Gold.” First he searched for the moose itself to kill and eat (yum, yum, yum), but he never found the bounteous beast. Instead, day after day, he did find a prodigious pile of poops. “A blessing from the behind.” Mayor Parsnips collected them, and distributed the magical manure house to house. Thus, the citizens of Lone Moose used the beige bounty to keep their fires burning, to plant potatoes indoors, to patch the cracks in their windows, and, yes, one guy did eat them, and soon died. However, if it weren't for the rear gifts given from moose to mayor, the whole town might have perished before the winter finally let up in mid-July.

Each spring, Lone Moose citizens gather to celebrate both mooses and mayors at the Rear Gifts Festival.

Deadly Ice Storm 1947

The headline on the front page of the Lone Moose Wind read, “OH HAIL NO!”

Great Alaskan Earthquake 1964

On March 27, 1964, a 9.2 magnitude earthquake struck south-central Alaska. It remains the most powerful earthquake ever recorded in North America. This event happened in the real world as well as in the fictional town of Lone Moose.

Town Orgy 1977

At the 1977 Fall Frenzy Dance, a town orgy caused everything to shut down because no one could look anyone in the eye for a full month.

Bolognese Factory Explosion 1978

The headline on the front page of the Lone Moose Wind read, “THAT’S A SPICY MEAT FALL!”

Lone Moose Massacre 1997

Also known as the “right of way incident.” The incoming cruise ships didn’t yield to the fishing vessels. No one died, but they could have.